MilSpouse in the House: Decluttering, PCS Life, and What Actually Matters with Shannon Leyko

Welcome back to Mill Spouse in the House. I'm your host, Kristi Nix, 21, 22 year active duty army wife, married almost 23 years now. We have three kids, one in college, one almost in college, and our son is 13. And we have recently retired about a year ago, and we settled down in the Fort Stewart, Georgia area, and I am currently the head coach, head trainer at our local Anytime Fitness. If you have lived this life for more than five whole minutes, you know how quickly home can change one set of orders and settling. You're packing up everything again, trying to recreate stability in a place that's completely new. Today's conversation is all about that exact challenge and how we can actually make our homes feel like home, even when we're moving every few years. Joining me today is the brilliant Shannon Litko, Coast Guard spouse, mom of three, author of You're Completely Normal, and host of the Pairing Down podcast, which reached the top 1% of podcasts in just over a year. But Shannon's story is also incredibly dynamic. She's a former Miss New York in the Miss America organization, a professional vocalist with a background in musical theater, and holds a degree in psychology. Now through her platform Pairing Down, she's helping people declutter their homes and lives so they can focus on what actually matters, without the pressure, the guilt, or the comparison. She's currently living in Alaska, with a move to Finland coming soon, so she's navigating this lifestyle in real time. And she also has a new book coming out, which we'll talk about later in the episode, Shannon Welcome. But before we jump in, a quick reminder that you can always find the latest on military life from PCS tips to benefits updates at Millspouses.com. And while this lifestyle can be incredibly rewarding, it can also feel overwhelming at times. That's why having support matters. Here's a quick word from our sponsor, Talkspace. Military life is nonstop. PCS moves, deployments, late nights. Who has time for therapy? Teletherapy makes it possible anytime, anywhere. Flexible sessions, privacy, and continuity, even across relocations. Your mental health is mission critical. Don't wait. Talkspace is here to help. Welcome back, everybody. Today, I'm joined by Shannon Leko. Am I saying that right, Shannon? Yeah, pretty close. Leko. Okay. Yeah. This guard's spouse, author, and host of the Pairing Down podcast. If you've ever listened to the podcast before, you know that I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I'd love to start with your story. You've built a platform around decluttering and simplifying life, but your background is so much broader than that. You were performing, involved in musical theater, and even served as Miss New York, which is a very different world from military life. How did that chapter of your life shape who you are today, and how does it show up in the work you're doing now? Yeah. I love that my background has been all over the place. It makes for some fun stories and a lot of lessons learned, for sure. And it's interesting that I think speaking on a podcast and being a decluttering educator now pulls on some of the performance aspects of being Miss New York or being in musical theater. I just think I'm comfortable talking to people. I'm comfortable being in a kind of public setting, if you will. So I think that aspect of it has been really helpful. But mostly, I would say the decluttering piece of this interest in that arena came from after that period of time in my life. When I was Miss New York, I was just a young millennial, 23 years old, gallivanting around New York City, buying things from Forever 21. I didn't know about conscious consumption. I wasn't thinking about clutter. I was shoving as much as I could into my tiny closet in New York City. When I got married, I was 27, and my husband, he is a big stuff guy. It's something I talk about a lot, because a lot of times there's one person who wants to own less, and there's one person who likes to own more. Same here. Same. Yeah, yeah. You get it. And so that was the start of really feeling overwhelmed by stuff, was really when his things added to mine. It's not that I hadn't accumulated too much. I absolutely had on my own, but it's the combination of those two things that I really started wanting to get rid of things. And then, of course, having children. I am now a mom of three, and by baby number two, I was drowning. I was like, burn it all. I don't want anything else in my house. And so it was through that process of decluttering my own home, my own space, working with my husband when we have different clutter thresholds, that I developed such a passion for it, like a realistic passion. We can't all be minimalists. And so I thought, this is something I could talk about forever, and so I started sharing about it online and started the Pairing Down podcast, and it has really exploded. And I think that speaks to the fact that so many of us feel overwhelmed by our homes. It really steals our energy. It steals our time, and we're over it. So yeah, I love speaking on what I do, and it's fun. It's fun to be on a different kind of stage than I used to be. Yeah, and as a military family, your home doesn't always necessarily fit how you would like it to fit you as a family. You might go from two closets at one duty station, then the master, down to one. So there's a very real need to address this because we're constantly evolving. So we want to make our stuff fit in those spaces, which I know that we'll get to later on in the podcast. I don't want to jump ahead too much. So tell us about your journey to the military lifestyle. How did you and your spouse meet, and where has the Coast Guard sent you guys so far along the way? Well, I grew up a Navy brat, so my dad was in the Navy. We didn't move a ton, but I had a little taste of that life until we settled in Virginia Beach. And I ended up meeting my husband in Virginia Beach. Years after I had moved away, like I said, I was in New York City. I had gone to college, not near home. And then I lived in the D.C. area and finally came back to Virginia Beach for a host of reasons and through mutual friends that I still had in the area. They're like, you know, well, they didn't tell me, but it was a setup. He knew. I didn't know. We went to a party. They brought him to meet me. And, you know, we were a classic military spouse situation where we got married really fast and did not have to do with the benefits for the record. We just really liked each other and we're like, let's get married. So we only dated for two months. Here we are 11 years later. Things are going strong. I feel pretty good about it. How many years? 11. Awesome. Yep. And so him being in the Coast Guard didn't worry me at all. I'm a very adventurous person. So I love the idea of moving around. That didn't concern me. And so, like I said, we were in Virginia Beach. We were there for quite a while. He was stationed there for a full five years. And then we got stationed to Ketchikan, Alaska, which was the dream. I was so excited. So we moved to Alaska. I was pregnant with baby number two when we moved and our first son was about 18 months old. And then while we were there, baby number two, we had the pandemic. So honestly, Ketchikan, Alaska, it's a tiny, tiny island, 600 miles north of Seattle. Great place to spend a pandemic. And that's where we also adopted our third child. He's Alaska native. So we were there for three years. And then we were stationed to Panama City Beach, Florida, which was quite a stark change. Big change. Florida wasn't my cup of tea personally. Really love Alaska. And so we were thrilled when after three years in Florida, they moved us back to Alaska, a different place this time. So I'm currently in Kodiak, Alaska, which is even more remote than Ketchikan. But we absolutely love it. We live on base. This is my first time living on base. And it's the largest Coast Guard base in the world. My husband's XO. And it's the greatest place on earth, frankly. And then they called us this past January. We've only been here for about nine months and said, do you want to move to Finland? And we thought, well, we're in the perfect place. So it's very hard to pick up and move. But we would regret it if we didn't go live in Finland. We're going there this summer. And so how old are the babies? Five, six and eight now. So preschool, kindergarten and second grade. So they're all in school. They are all in school. The preschoolers only part time. But yes, they're getting out of the house. I remember when my third went to preschool and I was like, OK, now, like I'm going to take a minute and think about what I want to do with this time because I have some now. Yeah. So you mentioned that you guys are living on base, which, you know, we've lived on multiple posts. It just depends on the duty station, what the housing is or is not like offered to you. So let's talk about PCS life for a minute, because I think a lot of spouses feel this pressure to recreate a perfect home every time we move, even though it's not necessarily the home we picked or desired. What have you learned about making a home feel like it's home even when you know it's temporary? I've noticed that actually more people, more of my friends that are military spouses, struggle to make their house feel like home. They don't feel motivated to because they're like, why would I hang stuff on the walls when we're just leaving in a year anyway? And I understand that. And at the same time, as military spouses or families, if we take that approach, then we will spend our whole lives never living in a home that we feel like is home. That's not just a house. So I think it's actually really important to put some energy into your house. We don't want to be a perfectionist. We don't want to sit here wishing we lived somewhere different. I understand not every house is going to be our dream home, but I really believe in not wishing away and wishing for something else and just thinking about how terrible it is, but instead saying, okay, what can I do with the space we have here? What are the positives? And my husband and I always like to say, it's great training for that one time we finally get to settle down. We will know exactly what we like and don't like. I think it's a really actually wonderful learning opportunity to live in homes that aren't ideal because they can teach you resilience and they can show you that life, a house isn't going to make or break your happiness. And so there's those lessons, but it's also great for your future because you do have the experience of knowing what works for you and what doesn't. So I think that it's important to make your house feel like home, even if you can't paint the walls, hang the pictures, organize things the best that you can, rearrange things in a way that makes you feel good. And I think in terms of clutter and not feeling overwhelmed, if you move into a smaller home, which is the case for us, when we moved to Kodiak, we were in a 2,500 square foot ranch house in Florida. And then we moved on to base into a 1,600 square foot home. That's actually a duplex. I think the biggest piece is to, if you live in a larger home at some point, to not fill it just because you can. I think that's very tempting. You're like, Oh, I finally have a walk-in closet. This is great. I'm going to get these sweater dividers and I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. And then your next piece, you PCS and you're in a smaller house again, and it's very overwhelming and it's easy to feel dissatisfied. And so I'm a big believer. And if you know you're living this kind of temporary life, don't fill space for the sake of filling it. Yeah. Every time we would move and we are the same from the very first apartment we ever lived in right outside Fort Leonard Woodgate. It was a one bedroom, double stack washer dryer. We didn't have a dishwasher. We were just so happy to be married and on our own, you know, then we moved to Fort Irwin on base. And, you know, as we grew our marriage and our time together, we accumulated more things. But every time we had PCS, we'd almost lay everything out in the living room that was quote unquote decorative. And we'd find a new way to use it in the new space, right? We just, what maybe was on the mantle and another house goes somewhere else, or maybe it doesn't go at all, but we were able to collectively see what we had, how can we make it work instead of going and buying something or thinking, Oh, this is different. We need to be different here. I know Fort Irwin, it was very desertous, right? So you had a lot of the pottery and desert-like type decor that was for sale in general. I mean that work in Missouri, you know, which is totally different, but we always worked really hard to make our home feel like a home because I think it just sets the tone for your family of what it's going to feel like for them. And kids actually adapt pretty quickly, especially when you bring in the things that they are familiar with, then it instantly feels like home to them. Well, that's the key here. It's very tempting to accumulate more and different or whatever. But at the end of the day, we want to create as much consistency in our lives as possible for our kids, for ourselves. And so repurposing what we already have really does bring a lot of comfort and it saves us money and time and space. So it's all good. And I like that you mentioned how it is tempting to change your style based on where you're living. You know, Florida is very different than like rugged Alaska. And that is why it is so, so key to know what you like. What feels good to you. You're not chasing the trends of wherever you're living because those things will turn into clutter in the long run. Yeah. Because you move to a different space and it's coastal probably in Florida, beachy. You know, most people don't get to live at the beach all the time. Military families. That does sound nice to me, though. So decluttering can sound simple on the surface, but it's not just about the stuff, right? So there's a lot of emotion tied into what we keep, especially in military life where things can represent memories, stability, or even identity. So how do you help people navigate that part of it? Sentimentality is a big reason why decluttering is hard. And I get it. I always say that we don't want to not be sentimental. We're not robots. We're human beings. You know, putting emotional attachment in our belongings is completely natural. Even from like a psychological standpoint, it's important even. But the key is, is not having too much. What I have found is that when people keep a high volume of sentimental items, they're actually not getting that emotional return that they think that they will, that that's why they're keeping it. Instead, it just kind of feels sad. Like you're just holding on to the past. You wish things were the way they were. It's very much living in the past. And so if we're going to keep sentimental items in our lives to represent our histories, which I think is a beautiful thing, we want them to make us feel good. We want them to evoke happy memories, not this wistfulness, this declinism. This is actually kind of a chapter in my book coming out next year. But there's a huge difference between nostalgia and declinism. And this has been studied to kind of understand the differences in how it relates to self-improvement and self-actualization and well-being in people. And declinism is this tricky cousin of nostalgia, where you are kind of looking back on the better days and things will never be as good as they were before. And when we're in that mindset, we're not motivated to continue living with hope and happiness because why would we put effort towards the future when we know it will never be as good as the past? Versus nostalgia is saying, here's my histories, the things that make me who I am. And that propels me to continue living life in a fun and purposeful and mindful way. So I would just say it's about volume. I think about people who lose a loved one. I lost my mom when I was 24. And it's tempting to keep everything because everything is nostalgic. Everything is sentimental. But if I were to keep all of it, it would just feel like I'm clinging on. I just wish she was still here, which of course I do. But that's not going to help me through life. So I've kept a couple of her t-shirts. I have her Bible displayed and hung on the wall. Specific things that bring about good memories of her without bogging me down and making me feel sad. So my advice is to keep some things. You just don't need to keep all of the things. Yeah. Especially as our kids get older, right? That we can, I can be sentimental about a lot of my kids things when they were babies. And if I had two girls back to back, so of course there's the hand-me-down thing first and foremost. But then we had a boy and, and then add all the PCSs, right? And by the time we had my son, I'd say 90% of the stuff I thought I needed for the first two, I was like, we don't need any of those things. I need a baby carrier and something I can stick the baby in while I'm in the shower. Otherwise the rest is just junk. But the sentimental part of it can be very hard, especially when you feel like, where am I putting all these things? How can I keep moving the moving of it over and over again? We ended up getting to the part where there were certain boxes that we just didn't even unpack anymore because it was nothing but photo albums and some sentimental things that we knew we wanted to keep, but we didn't necessarily need to unpack it and put it into our space. And so that's another one of those challenges. You're so good. I would imagine your psychology background plays such a huge role in how you're able to speak to the mindset people have. I have a fitness background and I'm very good on the mindset and the intention. And it's not so much about how you look because you work out, it's how you feel because you work out. And the same is true for decluttering. How does my space make me feel? And if I feel overwhelmed, do you want to continue to live in a state of overwhelm or do you want to do something about it and start to prick away at the things that make you feel that way? So I'm jiving on your psychology parts to this task. Good, good. So let's get practical. Perfect segue into that. If someone listening has orders in hand right now, what's the first thing they should do when it comes to decluttering before a move? I'll tell you my strategy was just throw it all away or give it to Goodwill, but yours is probably much better than mine. Well, it's interesting because I don't actually have some big perfect plan for decluttering before a move because I'm of the belief that we should be living our lives not based on the move, but based on an ease of living no matter where we are. So I understand that we do usually want to declutter before we pick up and move because we accumulate things wherever we are. I'm obviously going through that before Finland right now, but I would definitely encourage anyone listening not to say, okay, I'm going to listen to this advice so that I can implement it before the next time I PCS. Let's implement it right now because you don't deserve to be running around like a crazy person with your head cut off trying to keep up with housework. You know, the American Cleaning Institute, they did a study and it found that you can reduce housework by 40 percent, 40 percent. So you can get seven and a half hours of your week back based on how many hours per week women tend to do housework. Seven and a half hours when you declutter. Sorry. Yes. I left the important piece of that out. When you declutter, it can decrease by 40 percent. So I think we should be doing it not just before PCSing, but there are a couple of things that of course I think are important to consider before you PCS. We want to go, I believe, to the big stuff first, the heavy, big, giant things. I think one of the reasons that we have clutter is because we tend to have a lot of furniture and then we stuff stuff inside of furniture, whether it's credenzas or dressers or bedside tables, that kind of thing. And I think really considering, can I pare down my furniture? And then that can guide you to what you pare down inside of this stuff. I think that's an interesting way of looking at it and it helps reduce that overwhelm because when you have a lot of furniture taking up space, you don't have a lot of space for other things and it might not fit into your new house. And so I try and get by with the least amount of furniture possible. And we are a family of five with two dogs, so I understand we need stuff. But my husband and I share a dresser. My youngest, who's five, doesn't even have a dresser. For a while, my daughter and my six-year-old and my eight-year-old, they shared a dresser. Understanding that paring down furniture will make your life so much easier because it becomes this physical boundary of I don't have space or a place to stuff items. So it forces you to declutter and say, all right, I'm not going to keep as much kid clothing because I'm going to have my daughter and my son share a dresser. They each get three drawers. And you can completely have cute outfits for your kids and they can get through life with three drawers. And so I think to pare down your furniture and let that guide you is a really helpful thing. Also, you don't have to worry about it all breaking because it probably will during the move anyway. And it's expensive to constantly replace it, at least in my experience. So I look there. I look to other bulky things that take up space, like our shoes. Let's look at why do we have so many shoes when we barely wear them? I challenge people to count how many shoes they have. And most people will do this in their head. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I want you to go stand in your closet, use your little finger and point and count your shoes. You will be shocked at how many shoes you own. You're targeted. And this isn't to say that you can't enjoy the things you wear. There's something called enclosed cognition that what we wear absolutely affects how we behave. They put a white lab coat on two different groups of people and told one group that it's a painter's coat, told one group that it's a doctor's coat. And the difference in their productivity and their self-efficacy was wildly different based on who they thought they were being, a doctor or a painter. You know, they've done the same thing with high heels. So I am not going to villainize having clothes that make you feel good. I think that's important. But we do need to recognize what we're actually using and wearing versus what is just taking up space, especially for those bigger, bulkier items, sweaters, sweatshirts, coats, shoes. Those things take up a lot of space and they're going to overwhelm you when you try and stuff them into the closets wherever you're moving next. So those are big things that, of course, just any duplicates is another one to look out for. Why do we have so many wine glasses? Why do we have so many sets of scissors? Why do we have so many spatulas? I mean, we just accumulate these things and then we get used to them and we're like, well, I like this spatula for quesadillas and I like this spatula for pancakes and I like this. I'm like, let's just everyone, let's take a deep, like a deep breath and a step back and recognize we can get by with fewer spatulas, you know, and that just those little things really do make a difference. So furniture, bulky items and duplicates. Yeah. Duplicates. That's a good one. I've been very self-aware of seasons and my husband is the one that has a hard time getting rid of stuff. I love to get rid of stuff. And he's like, you're getting rid of that. That's brand new. And I'm like, I had that for a season. For instance, when he was in battalion command, I had to wear a lot more different type of clothing for events. That doesn't exist in my life anymore. I work in a gym. And so some of those pieces that served me then don't serve me anymore and they're taking up space and I can't think of a good reason to hang on to them. So that's an easy, get it out of my closet, find someone else who needs it more, but also just realizing, especially as women, we're going to evolve. We have seasons. Let go of what's not serving you. Your body changed. Your taste changed. Your career changed. You're a mother now. All those things are going to change as we change. Look for places to purge the things that aren't serving you. Absolutely. That's great advice. So talking about kids, you're a mom of three. And so I think a lot of us worry about how these moves impact the kids, which rightly so. How can simplifying your home actually help create more stability? How have you seen that create a different atmosphere of feeling and emotion of stability for the children? To start, they don't feel like they're in a chaotic home. They can relax. They're just like us. If their space is cluttered, they feel overwhelmed and so do we. And so it's actually such a gift to our kids. I think we feel like, oh, am I failing them if I don't buy them every toy they want or if they don't have all of these things or we help them declutter? No, no, we're giving them the gift of calm inside of their own space. And the other piece too is that I like to use physical boundaries. I already mentioned this, but especially with kids is I want to give my kids as much personal agency in their lives as possible because there is a lot out of their control for any kids, but especially for military kids moving a lot. And so I want them to be able to choose what they get to keep in their own home. But we have to put a boundary around it, telling them they have too much stuff. That's too abstract. Right. It's too abstract for us. But if I can say, here's your stuffy bin, you can keep whichever stuffies you want. But if they don't fit inside this bin, then we need to let go of some. That's the physical boundary of that. That allows them to feel a sense of personal agency, but also understand that they can't keep everything just for practical reasons. And I find that kids in general, and I don't know if it's because of military life or not, but they're very generous by nature. They want to be helpful. They want to give to kids that don't have as much. Having those kinds of conversations too about generosity, I have found helps them let go of things more easily when you say, well, maybe this could go to a child that would use it more, or that they're younger than you, and maybe you don't play with it as much anymore. And so they would really like to play with it. That works really, really well with kids. They're just so generous. And so, yeah, physical boundaries, talking about generosity, and just remembering that you want to help them have a calm space. My kids, they are not perfect declutterers. My oldest, he loves his stuff. He wants to hold on to every single piece of trash. That's my oldest. I mean, literal trash. I'm like, why do you need this box? I don't know, kind of a thing. But even he has made huge strides over the years in understanding that it takes up less time to clean his room, that it's more fun to go outside than it is to play inside. And he has made huge strides in his decluttering journey as an eight-year-old. He's far more willing to let things go because he has seen the benefits of it. We've got to give it that time for our kids to see the benefits and not just be like, well, they cried and complained because they don't want to get rid of anything. So I've given up. Well, we don't need to scar our kids and throw all their stuff away right now. This is a journey and let it unfold with consistency. Yeah, you're helping them exercise the same disciplines we have to use as adults as well. We're just helping them acknowledge the choices and the outcome of that choice, which does create and elicit an emotion in their space. Some kids, it might be easier than others. I do remember when my kids were little, they brought home all this artwork, there were papers all the time, and everything felt special. I didn't keep everything. I didn't like a cluttered fridge with artwork, but they wanted to know like two months later, where's that picture I made you? They would realize that it was no longer visible. So I had a separate trash can in my laundry room of their pictures and their artwork that would just buy me a little bit of time if they needed to know that it was still special to me. So then I could pull it back out, but I didn't leave it in my space. If it wasn't a keeper for forever, it had to go somewhere. But then it gave me like a buffer window of time so I could then make sure that, oh, that was the one that they wanted to keep, you know, and I didn't realize that. That's so smart though to keep it for a little while. Yeah, I kind of take the same approach. We put up some artwork. I don't mind having some stuff on the fridge and we'll do that. And then usually after a week or so, they haven't noticed it. And so then I move it to my, I have a same thing, a kind of a pile that I keep for the, are they going to ask about it? And if it's been, you know, three or four weeks and they haven't, then usually it's gone unless it's something that I find particularly special for me. And then I do have like a, you know, forever been for them, but yes, we can take it in little stages. Baby steps. Yeah. Yep. Yep. So one thing I love about your message is that it's not just about decluttering your home. It's about your schedule. Another one of my favorite topics. And I think military spouses feel that overwhelmed constantly. So what does paring down your life actually look like on the day to day? I think it's tempting to fill our time, especially as military spouses, because we feel like I'm only going to be here for a short period of time. I've got to get involved. I've got to get my friends, my kids, you know, got to help them make friends. So I need to get them in all the extracurriculars and we need to plug in immediately. But that's really stressful. And you know, the, some of this is going to depend on personality. Some people love to be around other people all the time. They're go, go, go. And it might work well for them. But I think a lot of us, it drains our energy and we end up really on edge. And we have to say, it's actually okay. Like you're going to still make friends, even if you don't join the spouse association. Like I'm, I'm on base, I'm XO's wife. And everyone's like, why aren't you in the spouse association? I'm like, ma'am, I feel 0% interested in that. It's not because I don't care about the things they're doing or making friends. I don't want to go. And my friend, Sarah, she's always like, but it's only once a month. I'm like, I know, but even once a month, I don't want to force myself to go on a Sunday night when I would rather be watching a movie with my family on Sunday night. And lo and behold, I have still made friends here. You know, like it's, you don't need all the friends and you, so choose what feels good to you. If the spouse association sounds like a good time to you and you like that to socialize in larger groups, I just don't. Right. So it's a matter of knowing yourself and then remembering too, that like your kids can still socialize and still have friendships without so much structure. I do have my kids in extracurriculars, but right now it's springtime as we're recording. And my son is not doing a sport. Everyone else is doing soccer right now. He doesn't love soccer. We just did a four months of ice hockey twice a week, plus a game on Saturdays. Okay. Mama's tired. And I was like, I don't want to do it. We're moving to Finland. He's fine. And he is great. He comes home every day. I kick him out outside because it's starting to warm up here in Alaska and we're safe on days. I'm going to go on your bike, go find a friend. He's eight and he goes off and find some friends and he has a great time and he's still socializing. He's still moving his body and we're just not doing it in the way that feels like, what does a good mom do? I take the kids to the beach. We go look for sea glass. These are all ways that our kids are connecting with the world around them. That's not in a structured extracurricular way. And so I do think it's important to slow down and ask, am I doing this because it is fun for me and my family or am I doing this because I feel like this is what I should be doing? It's what all the other moms do. Yeah. Or military spouses. Right. Self-awareness is a big one. Yeah. I agree. I love, I love a good schedule. I'm very type A and I love a good schedule and I love my intentionality around my schedule even when it includes my kids. So that's a good question. So one thing that keeps up, keeps coming up in this conversation we're having today is how much we're all caring physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes having the right support can make all the difference. We'll be right back after a message from Talkspace. Being a military spouse comes with its challenges, but you don't have to navigate them alone. Welcome to Millspouse in the House, your go-to podcast for real talk, support, and community. And thanks to our sponsor, Talkspace, getting the mental health support you need is easier than ever. Talkspace is a secure HIPAA compliant therapy platform where you can connect with licensed therapists anytime from anywhere. Now in the TRICARE network for all TRICARE recipients, for children 13 and up, retirees, veterans, and active duty spouses, because mental wellness is for the whole family. Visit Talkspace.com slash Millspouse today and take the first step toward support that fits your lifestyle. And we're back with Shannon talking about decluttering, PCS life, and how to create a home that actually supports you no matter where you land. All right, Shannon, so we have a little bit of fun coming up. I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind when I ask these questions. Favorite duty station so far? Ketchikan, Alaska. That's where you guys are at right now? No, we're in Kodiak. Hardest part of PCS life? Figuring out where to live and school systems for the kids. Yeah, that's a big one. One item you always keep no matter how much you declutter? Sweatshirts. I just always want to be cozy. Those are bulky. How many do you have? Am I allowed to ask that? Yeah. Oh, wait, hold on. I'm near my closet. I can tell you. I have one, two. You guys, I'm always saying, I'm not a staunch mentalist. I have seven sweatshirts. That's good. I don't need seven sweatshirts to survive. The teens love a good hoodie, you know? And so that's a conversation we have in this house a lot is you don't need all these hoodies. Channeling my inner genie. Yeah. Okay. One thing you will never move again? Well, I would love to not move plenty of my husband's stuff. But I think I will never move again on a practical level this big giant bike rack. We've moved it three times and we've never put it on the back of our car. We're decluttering it before Finland. Time to go. It's time. Favorite paring down tip? Ooh, just put the bag down. Everyone says they want to declutter someday and then they never get around to it. So just grab the black trash bag or your box, you know, like an Amazon box and put it next to the pile that annoys you most. And then walk away. Don't be like, I'm going to go declutter today. Just put the bag down because you'll be shocked. The next time you walk past it, you're just going to want to start filling it up. And then you've started. And so just put the bag down. Just put it by the stuff. Put it by the stuff. Leave it there and see what happens in a week. It's going to trigger you, hopefully, to get to work. Song that instantly feels like home to you? I'm going to go Getaway Car by Taylor Swift. I'm a Taylor Swift fan and my daughter loves that song. We went to the heiress tour. That song, funny enough, wasn't in the heiress tour. But yeah, whenever that song comes on, I just feel like I'm with my family. It's beautiful. One word that describes military spouses? Resilient. Resilient. We are resilient, adaptable, all the things. So before we wrap up, I'd love to leave our listeners with something tangible. If someone feels overwhelmed by their home, their schedule, or just this season of life, what's one small step they can take today to start paring things down? Well, I mentioned putting the bag down. And I stand by that. I think another piece, and this is not just to be like a plug for my podcast, but is that we are constantly inundated with reasons why more is better. And I think we have to equally purposefully expose ourselves to the opposite message, that it is important to pare down and that you can do this and it is not impossible. And so I think to hit follow on a podcast about decluttering like mine, to follow people who talk about contentment and conscious consumption and decluttering on social media, we're always exposed to the opposite side of things. And I think if you want to pare down your life, you have to purposefully expose yourself to other messaging. Absorb the content. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. Right. No, you're right. And you also have a book coming out, a new book, which is very exciting. Can you tell us a little bit about it and where people can find it when it launches? Yes, I'd love to tell you about it. So it actually doesn't launch for almost a year. It's very far out. I'm very grateful. I got a big book deal with Penguin Random House, which has been my dream for a very long time. So the working title is Don't Save the Good Stuff. And it's all about how to identify what we should fill our lives with. We focus so much on what we want to get rid of. But one of the best paths to decluttering our lives is actually to think about what do we want to fill our lives with? And so that we're motivated to get rid of the distractions. So Don't Save the Good Stuff coming out next spring. You could sign up for my newsletter, which is The Less Expressed. It's a short weekly newsletter to help you stay on track with decluttering your house. And I will keep you updated about the book there. And so you can sign up for that at shannonlayko.com slash decluttering dash newsletter. And also on my website, shannonlayko.com, you can go to the little tab that says my book and get on the wait list for a specific email list that I will give you updates behind the scenes about the whole book journey. I love sharing about it. I think people are always fascinated about the publishing world. And so even on my Instagram, I'm telling people I'm deep in edits and this is what I'm working on and kind of bringing you along the journey. That's awesome. Very, very exciting. So congratulations. That's huge news. And so for anyone who wants to follow your work or learn more, where can they find you? I know you just mentioned your website. What is your Instagram handle? Sure. My Instagram is at shannonlayko, so L-E-Y-K-O. Pretty simple to find me, shannonlayko.com. The newsletter, like I said, The Less Expressed is a really great way to dive in. And then, of course, you can listen to the Pairing Down podcast wherever you enjoy podcasts. It's also on YouTube. I always remind people there's no I in pair. It's just P-A-R-I-N-G, Pairing Down. And I'd love to have you. That's exciting. Well, thank you so much. I have loved this conversation because it's all such great reminders. Home is not about having everything perfectly set up. It's about creating a space that actually supports your life and feels good. So today we talked about PCS moves, decluttering, and how letting go of what we don't need can make room for what really matters most. So, Shannon, thank you so much for joining us and for the work you're doing to support military families. And to our listeners, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another military spouse who could use these reminders. Make sure to follow us at This Is Millspouses and visit Millspouses.com for more resources and real-life support. Until next time, take care. This is a production of Millspouses.